My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
