i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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