Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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