who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
zippers are such a cool invention
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
