i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
