no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
