youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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