I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
