fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
