My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I didn't notice because vodka
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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