I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
