First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
