Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
