Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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