Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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