You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
