i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
