I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
please don't ironically join a cult
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