Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
