i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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