I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
