Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize