butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
