I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
