hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
