this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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