I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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