the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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