Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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