May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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