I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
