the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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