is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
