I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
