put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my poor anus
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
