Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
