I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
