i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
