Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
