Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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