when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
