I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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