Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
