I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize