my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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