Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
