ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
