he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
