i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
