Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize