You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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