sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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