dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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