Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
