I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
