is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
