I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
