Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
