I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
