Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
