my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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