My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
