Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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