Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
