KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
