Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there's paper in my vomit.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
