bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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