my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize