someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
