I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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