Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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