Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They have beer where we have blood.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
