she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
