if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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