I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
