just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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