Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He kissed a someone with a penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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