That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
