the new term for farting is butt boxing.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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