My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize