I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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