I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
