I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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