The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
