She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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