I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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