Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
