Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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