That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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