pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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