you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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