Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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