Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
