by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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