Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
