didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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