Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
