I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
