she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
