I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
