I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we're making bets on your personal life
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
