I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
