that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
