i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
