I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
