where am i from again
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
