I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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