problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
