Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
