i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
