carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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