You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
