All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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