I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
