Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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