Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
