those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize