So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
