enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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