please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize