I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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