He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
