So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
