Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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