Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
