i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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