and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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